You Might Be Dead

There is something in my chest
I'm not sure what it is
It could be a growth
It could be my heart
It could be heartburn
Or just some bad hummus
I ate yesterday by mistake
Whatever it is
It's killing me

I hope it's not stress
That would just make me mad
Because I don't want to see a shrink
Or some other specialist
Since the only words I have for them are
YOU ARE NOT MY VILLAGE ELDER
YOU ARE NOT MY SHAMAN
YOU ARE NOBODY'S PROPHET
And because of that
I feel lost

I will try to drink more water
And eat more sensibly
But I wish I could get some kind of x-ray
Or MRI
To tell me
Just how fucked up I am

If for some reason
There are disturbing findings
I will be mad
That I did not become a rockstar
Burning the candle at both ends
Since I was good at that

My wife had a dream that she was already dead
Which was fine with her
Because the living were still communicating with her
As if she were living
I suppose that wouldn't be so bad

I often feel like that
But for me it's sad
Because it would confirm
Why things seem so out of touch

When life is like a dream
You might be dead
--
9.6.07