Tweaked

High-waisted wiglet
Polyester blend
Navy slacks
Baby blue short sleeve button down
Shimmering thin lines
Looking in reflection
Somehow missed the center back belt loop
Tragically thick glasses
Tulip bowl cut
Red hair to boot
Either this is a reality TV clip
Or this is the sorriest sack of shit
Eyes have ever been laid upon
(he's even got a twitch)
If he had a built up shoe
This might be the greatest character unknown to man
My wife suggested that perhaps he is in disguise
Like in the movie The Saint
In which case
We are all fucked
Because this guy
Is never going to save us
From Russian mob terrorists
Much less
Secure free hydrogen energy for the planet
I hope for his sake
He can secure a date
With a blow-up doll
And in moments like these
I must remember
That he might be
The next best thing
Since spliced genes
Otherwise
He's demolishing our pool
I think he's got what we all have
A fifty-fifty chance
Well
In his case
Maybe it's fifty-one forty-nine
--
6.24.08