His stinky socks
Thrown directly at her face
In jest
A healthy family chuckle
After a long day
Two jobs
Back to back
A third thrown in
As a courtesy
A way for the youngest
To get a free dance class
After clearing the road of debris
Before dawn
He might catch a nap
Before janitorial
At the high school
While she was in class
And then maybe a bite to eat
Or another nap
Before cleaning the dance studio
After everyone had gone for the night
Another nap
And then back at it
Because three or four hours
Is a nap
He never really slept
And with three daughters
And a wife at home
He had to find time for some softball
Just to shake off the estrogen
But not for very long
Because he loved his girls
They all lost him
They all miss him
In their own way
She says it gets harder
I guess you'd think it'd get easier
But it doesn't
Questions come up
He was a great listener
There is no one there
To turn to
Even her mother
Her husband
Her sisters
Can't resolve
Completely
Any holes left from his passing
They are always there
Sometimes without the sting
But always walking with her
A song on the radio
An argument with mom
Concern for her sisters
Perspective on money
Children
Career
Relaxation
These things are open ended
Unresolved
There is no one whose words
Or lack thereof
Can satisfy
It's not a lack of trust
It's a sense of safety
That cannot be duplicated
She remembers when he flipped the car
The only new car they ever owned
He walked away from that
Walked right home
The car should have been declared a total loss
It was never the same
It leaked
Squeaked
A bad situation
Everyday there was something
For a working family
They never felt the struggle
Like those who have so much
And do without
Something
They once had
Thankful
Even gleeful
About the general state of things
They had each other
Even when they were climbing out of bankruptcy
Slowly
A little at a time
They shook it off
When the snow storms came
It was never tragedy
It was overtime
It was not coming home for a day
Sleeping in the car
Or at the salt truck garage
And when he did come home
After two shifts of eighteen hours
And the dog was lost
He'd go find him
In the snow
In the cold
Where he found the strength
The family
The girls
When items are declared lost or missing
It never seems that tragic
It must be complicated when
Missing
and
Lost
Mean something so completely different
--
5.16.08
Comments